Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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