he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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