I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
