I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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