I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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