I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
