Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
