Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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