I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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