I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
as a side note pls kill me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
