the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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