Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
