help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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