Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
