I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
