The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
