The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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