Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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