So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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