So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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