Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
