I wanna passion pit in your ass
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
