I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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