You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
