Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
