the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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