How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
