I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
