I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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