is your mom at the bar?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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