The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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