you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
