Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
