Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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