We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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