How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize