Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize