i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i think i just lost a toe
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
