can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
