i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
