so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
