Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
this is an emotional support booty call
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
