fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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