i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
