I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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