I will die if light touches me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
worst night to have a conscience
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
