the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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