i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
