I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
