did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
