Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
