The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
