how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
