I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
