i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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