Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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