accomplished twins. life is a go
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
