Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
