You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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