I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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