And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
