Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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