Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
