You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
