apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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