whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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