Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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